im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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