I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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