Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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