Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
