he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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