I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
