My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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