You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
