I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
