You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
