I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
