Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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