please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
