This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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