I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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