I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
