Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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