Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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