i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
