i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
