I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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