look no pants
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
