some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
