Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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