i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
