i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
