OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
