Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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