I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
