there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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