I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
