I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
