I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
