If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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