I feel like I'm in dance class right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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