Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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