I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
