Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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