Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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