I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
