I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just cropdusted the office
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
