We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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