He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
