think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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