For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
