You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize