if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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