Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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