He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
