if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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