Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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