why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
