Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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