fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
