tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
