Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I AM VODKA MAN
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
