Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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