I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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