I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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