Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
