Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize