There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
