I think i peed on brittanys purse
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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